What are you willing to try?

Art Journal Page by Christine Soja

September is a transition month. We transition from summer free-for-all back into the routines of work and school. The temperatures get cooler at night and there is a little bite to the breeze that wasn’t there before. The equinox sends us officially into autumn, heading towards more darkness. It's a time of harvest and bounty. What we are harvesting of course depends on what has been planted, tended and fed. Are you enjoying your harvest? If not, ask yourself: what have you been sewing?

It’s a time to take stock - what has been working and what’s not? What do we want more of and what do we want less of? How are we caring for ourselves? If our life is our garden, what needs to be cut back? What’s overgrown? What weeds are taking over? Where do we need to amend the soil? Where do we need to plant some new color, or new life? What needs to be moved to a sunnier or shadier spot in the yard? 

How can we move from surviving to thriving? Nature is abundant naturally. I always find it funny to see apples lying on the sidewalk, plums smooshed, blackberries rotting on the vines. This is fruit we would buy in the store, going to waste on the ground because we can’t keep up with the production.

Many of us are taught that the way to create change is to shame or punish. 

“I would be more productive if I wasn’t so lazy.” 

“I would eat better if I wasn’t so busy.” 

“Look at the weight you’ve gained, what’s wrong with you???”

We say things to ourselves, consciously or unconsciously that we would probably never say to those we love. Or if we did we punish ourselves further for being so mean and selfish.

My unhealthy habits used to motivate me. I used them as a counter balance. If I have 99 good habits and just one or two negative habits, how bad can it be? I would exercise specifically for the drinks after, or extra hard to make up for too many. I would meditate to feel better about my negative self talk and angry outbursts. I would eat healthy foods to counteract sugar binges.

What I have learned is that real change doesn’t happen because we humiliate or shame ourselves, it happens because we love ourselves into it. Recovery support groups work because the people inside of those meetings come with unfiltered, unearned acceptance for everyone there. There is nothing to prove, you don’t have to earn anything. There is magic in being heard, seen and understood, even by strangers. Love is what helps us heal, not guilt.

When we love ourselves we take care naturally, and our bigger dreams can come out and play. We live in the land of possibility. We enjoy life, meaning we are in-JOY most of the time. We can’t solve problems by focusing on them, we have to get creative and focus on what is working. What we focus on grows, and what we don’t need will wither away naturally.

Life coaching has taught me how to plant new seeds of  thought, and water them with attention so that the old beliefs don’t have room to grow. 

The first step to changing beliefs and patterns is willingness.

What are you willing to consider? Notice when you have an idea and your mind tells you “That’s IMPOSSIBLE.  I COULDN’T or “That would NEVER work!”  Be willing to question that response.  Really? Why not? What if…

Five years ago I thought it was impossible to endure a summer without a cocktail. Impossible! But I was willing to try.

I thought it would be IMPOSSIBLE for me to sell my artwork. And now I am planning to participate in my second group show.

Your mind wants what’s best for you, and by best it means safest. But you have to ask, what is really the risk? Failure? Humiliation? Embarrassment? Maybe...maybe not. Are you willing to find out?

Are you willing to be of service to your creative dreams? You can explore willingness without automatically responding. It is important to apply (choice making) to your YESes and Nos. Be willing to say no sometimes. Be willing to say yes to something new or scary. 

Be willing to accept all of the parts of who you are. Don’t waste energy fighting who you are. Don’t play the victim to your perceived negative habits. Learn to accept them and work with them.

Identify areas where you lack self-acceptance. This can awaken you to new possibilities.

Be willing to allow these places in you to exist. This allowing causes more movement than resisting or denying.

Share your experiences about self-acceptance with others. Especially those in your home. When we show our kids, partners and friends that we can be OK with imperfection, we give everyone else permission too. Acceptance heals.

Allowing frees up energy, and that energy can fuel possibility: our FIRE. Without a properly tended fire, we are lethargic, droopy and exhausted. Pay attention to what experiences, thoughts, interactions leave you feeling better or worse than you did before. This is critical. Begin pruning back things that leave you limp. Do more of what fuels you. 

Who inspires you? Gather your team, folks you know or teachers you may never meet. Teacher, guides, mentors are everywhere. Make a list and try to reach out regularly to those who light you up. Gather articles, books and follow people on social media that make you feel alive (and ditch those who drain you or stress you out.)

Create a collage of imagery, words and colors that feel exciting and energizing. Put it somewhere you can see it daily. 

Write your creative self a love letter. Remind yourself of all you have to offer, and how far you have come. Give yourself permission to do the things you don’t think you can. 

Reach out to those you know who can listen and support your creative dreams. I have worked with coaches multiple times to get through roadblocks I couldn’t on my own. Nobody else can “fix” us, but we also can’t do it alone.

A coach can listen, see you, give you strategies for new thoughts and hold you accountable. 

I used to think I needed a new job, a new husband, and/or a new body. But turns out I just needed to change the thoughts I was telling myself that were really more about me not following through on my intuition. Instead of making the hard choices, I would more easily play the victim: nobody understands me, my job is impossible, I am stuck. I was in survival mode because that is how I was raised (and where the patriarchy would like me stay).

Now I look around and my life is eerily exactly as I was dreaming quietly inside, 10 years ago.

Dreams take time to grow, and fall is the perfect time for planting. 

Thank you, fear

No Fear is Terrible Advice

Fear is on our side, we just can’t let it be the boss.

As summer begins to transition into fall, take a minute and as yourself, is there anything still unchecked on your summer dream list? Was there any project, plan, or idea you wanted to pursue over the summer, that you were sure you would have time for, but somehow didn’t happen?

If you want a different result in your life, in any aspect, you have to start doing things differently. Toning your creativity will help you see where you can slip in a new way, a new thought, or a new strategy that can ripple out and make massive shifts over time.

As summer winds down, are there any creative projects or ideas that you didn’t make happen? Why didn’t they happen? Now is the time to figure that out.

How you do anything is how you do everything.

Why is there often a gap between what we want to be doing, or how we want to feel and how we are actually spending our time?

I used to feel like I was always waiting. Waiting for someone else to give me a chance or notice me. Waiting for work to “settle down”, waiting for the kids to get to the next stage, waiting until I was organized, until the laundry was done…I was waiting for my real life to begin while I endured my current situation. 

Our culture and schooling set us up for this. We are conditioned into a system of rewards and punishments. If we make it through middle school, we get to high school. We believe that our suffering will be rewarded down the road, and that will make it all worth it. The problem is that the target is always moving, and we can get used to this mode of being, this way of operating.

We live in a state of enduring, persevering, hoping that the end will justify the means.

When we’re young we are easily influenced by parents, friends, the culture. We want to be happy, we want to be successful, we want to contribute in a positive way, but we don’t know how. Or maybe we achieve the goals that we believed would bring us happiness and freedom, only to realize we don’t feel happy or free at all.

I wanted to study anthropology and art in college, that was where my curiosity was. But the voices of my parents and the culture at large said… “but what are you going TO DO with that?” and so I backed down from my interests, taking a more “safe” path that I was also not super interested in. I figured I was being “smart or strategic” but what I was doing was tempering my passion. I didn’t go as deep as I might have, or met other like-minded inspiring folks on a similar path. I skimmed the surface, doing enough to be “successful” without really making the most of my college experience. I was biding my time until I could get into the “real world” and start my life.

I knew then what I wanted, and you know now what you want. So why aren’t we doing it?

Fear and negativity that have built up a strong case in our minds. Our mind really does want the best for us. It wants us to be safe, secure, and to belong. It wants us to be small and not rock the boat. It wants us to survive, but I think we are meant to thrive.

Now is a good time to take a look at our habits of mind and decide if we need to continue to believe them anymore. 

If we want new solutions, and new experiences,
we have to think and do new things.

You might have a dream:

“I want to learn to sail.”

“I want a strong body and consistent yoga practice.”

“I want to start meditating regularly.”

“I want to take a ceramics class or learn to paint.”

“I want to write my memoir.”

“I want to feel free.”

Your mind might offer something like this:

“What if I try it, and it doesn’t work?”

“Oh, what’s the use - it’s too late now.”

“This is a stupid idea.”

“I just don’t have time (money, space) for that now.”

I challenge you to challenge those thoughts.

Take a sheet of paper and write out all of your fears. All of the reasons why you shouldn’t follow through on the thing(s) you’ve been simmering on.

Read through the list, out loud or to someone else if you’re really brave! Allow those fears to be heard, you can even thank them for their input.

Ignoring fears never really works, they just get louder.

Sit with the list and feel how those words make your heart pound, or your throat close up, or your belly twist. You can acknowledge that they may be true, but also they may NOT. Then, thank them for their input, and shred that paper into a million pieces. If you want to go further you can even burn it up!

A definition of fear I like is: Future Events Appearing Real. Fears are related to a future that is to be determined. Nobody knows what the future holds. 

You have now created space between you and your thoughts. This is HUGE. You are beginning to put fear in its place, which will give you more options in the future.

Unchecked fears can take over the mind, they can also show up in behaviors such as:

Procrastination

Perfectionism

Resistance

Business

Inertia

Grudges

Jealousy

Competition

Blame

Overwhelm

Anger

Feeling like a victim

Practice regularly culling and weeding your fears, and see what other fantastic creative ideas can spring up in its place.

Creativity is so much more than making art, it’s about making our life.

Let me know how it goes.

Wake Up and Start Dreaming

“The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.”
-Muhammad Ali

Have you ever had the experience of sharing a dream with someone and had them laugh, mock you, tease you or tell you it was stupid? Of course you have! Our culture while touting that this is the land where dreams come true, only really appreciates certain dreams.

Dreams that involve making money. Dreams that promise to amass material objects, or dreams that fall in line with a well trodden path like higher education, corporate ladders and family life.

Are you doing what you love? Are you living your dreams? Can you answer with a bold YES? If not, are you in a process of discovering what your dreams are?

Around 7-10 years old is often the time many of us begin to curtail some of our creative play, many of us stop drawing because we are frustrated with our skills, or become aware of comparison or teasing from others.

The good news is, you can pick up any pass-time you used to enjoy, and it has been waiting for you patiently the whole time. Allowing yourself to draw, doodle, play with paint or collage, can free up your imagination and help create a safe place for your dreams to come out and play.

Dreams respond well to specific descriptions and become more real when you can name them. Focus brings specificity, but we also need to be willing to accept that things don’t always unfold exactly as we have ordered. Be open to twists and turns and that your dream may become way bigger than you ever could have imagined.

Just like creativity is not only given to a chosen few, everyone is meant to follow their dreams. Everyone has a right to following their dreams.

What’s your creative dream?
Do you have one?
Did you used to have one? 

Maybe your dream is hidden deeply inside, afraid to come out for fear of ridicule or embarrassment. Creativity is shy, it won’t come out if you are scared or tense or stressed. It’s sensitive, it can tell when the audience is ready, if it’s safe. And I don’t blame it. The world is hazardous for dreams. 

“People living their dreams are more joy-full and full of life”
- SARK

The important thing isn’t how quickly you can achieve your dreams, the important thing is that you HAVE them. Even if you don’t tell others, in fact you should only share your dreams with those who support them. Feeding and entertaining a dream will fill you with life. Just thinking about it will create energy, and the more you engage the more energy you will make.

And when you are entertaining your dreams, you give others the permission to live theirs. When you have more energy in your life, you are able to solve problems in new ways, envision new ways of doing things, and these are desperate times.

The ways we have been living are destroying our planet and its inhabitants. We need creative solutions now more than ever. We are asked to function at high speeds and produce more and more every day. BUT humans are adaptable, flexible, curious creatures. 

Remembering Dreams
Take some time to ask yourself the following questions:

I’ve always wanted to…

I used to think I could…

If I really lived my dream, I might need to…

Did anything surprise you? Did you allow yourself to really dream, or did you hear voices in your head trying to keep them small? 

Choose one of the words/phrases below, or make up one of your own.

Change

Advance

Grow

Do something different

Live in a new way

If I _______________________________, I might need to _____________________________________.”

Revise my thinking

Quit my job

Stop complaining

Figure out a new way

Change something

If you’re coming across negative or discouraging thoughts, that is good! Let them come out and let them be heard! These hidden thoughts tend to run the show. If you can get to the root of the voice (a parent, teacher, older sibling, etc.) you can start to separate it from YOUR true voice. The one that wants you to go big in this life.

If I lived my dream, I would be _________________________________________________________.”

Here are some thoughts you might have:

Expected to be happy all the time

Unable to keep struggling and complaining

So busy that I couldn’t stand it

Pressured to succeed

Challenged by the unknown

What are you doing instead of living your dreams?

1. Working

2. Sleeping

3. Eating

If you are already living your dream, would you like to dedicate more time or energy to it? What would that mean?

Time flows naturally to what is: visible, active, important, necessary

Can you make your dreams more visible, active, important, necessary?

Let’s take a trip back in time, when you were free to dream, or maybe you had to dream because your home-life was scary and you had no control. Answer from the viewpoint of your 7-10 year self:

Who was your best friend?

What was your favorite thing to eat?

Where was your favorite spot in the house?

Where was your favorite spot outside the house?

What did you dream about doing or being?

Were your dreams encouraged? Discouraged? How?

Did your parents or caregivers identify and speak of their dream? Can you recall what they were?

Did your parents or caregivers choices about their dreams influence your dream choices? How?

Are you supportive of your children’s dreams (your children or others)?

Are you supportive of your dreams? How?

Good news! You cannot choose the wrong dream. Think of this as a path with many steps, the most important thing is that you keep taking steps, and listen to your intuition as you move forward. Be focused but flexible.

Reply to this newsletter and tell me…

What is your dream?

*Adapted from SARK “Make your creative dreams real” (2004).
Artwork from Amplifier

fire season is here

TLDR: Summer can be overwhelming, so lean into what makes you happy. You deserve to feel good. Follow your curiosity, try something new. Drink water and rest without guilt!

Summer is officially here, can you feel it? 

Summer is the season of fire, and here in Seattle it felt like a switch was flipped. It’s now hot and bright and the days are sooooo long. Summer is my favorite season. School is out, and I just wanna have fun. 

Honestly, a huge reason I became a teacher was to have summers off. I have a visceral memory of one temp job I was working during the summer at the University of Washington. I was helping out in the billing/insurance area of the anesthesia department. We were in an internal office right off of the surgery center. There were no windows as the office was buried deep in the belly of the hospital. While I enjoyed the company of my co-workers and was glad for the job, something inside of me was screaming. I remember looking down at the stack of papers and I had just alphabetized and thinking to myself “F**k it, I’m going to be a teacher!” I started looking at programs that night and soon after enrolled in a master’s program to start that fall. Even the promise of summers off in the future raised my spirits.

That’s the flavor of summer… “F**k it!” Summer is a time of action. What have you been waiting to do? Summer might be the time to start.

Since most people do continue with their responsibilities during the summer, the question is: how do you allow your fire to burn free and bright during this season while maintaining your responsibilities and not burning yourself out?

It’s a time when the sun is closest to us, which prompts the plants to release their flowers, and the whole cycle of life is busy busy busy. There can be an energy also of go go go. Make the most of it! Pressure to get outside, to not miss out. FOMO can be high. So how do we stay calm and cool in the midst of the fire?

Fire needs to have water nearby, to bring soothing and calming. Fire needs a steady but small stream of air to burn for fuel. And fire needs a container, some structure in which to burn without destroying everything around it.

I suggest:

• Keeping a close eye on your relationship with media - be vigilant on who and what you let in.

• Water in all forms - drink it, swim in it, look at it, water your plants, and also pay attention to your emotions. Are you really doing what you want to be doing, or are you motivated by a need to please or perform? 

• Create a solid foundation by feeding yourself well, resting without guilt, and creating time to nourish yourself.

• Try something new! Summer is the perfect time to flip up old routines, even if it means taking a new route to work. Go on an artist date with yourself (or someone who likes to wander aimlessly and look closely). Take pictures of things that inspire you. 

• Take time to feel the gratitude for what and who is in your life.

Also, take advantage of the fire season to BURN DOWN WHAT YOU NO LONGER WANT OR NEED.

We all need this after the last 18 months. The anxiety of living through a pandemic, the constant questioning of every decision, very real fear for our lives and confronting deep injustice. The beauty of humans is our adaptability. We can survive under the most extreme circumstances, but the danger of this is that we come to believe things are “normal” or “acceptable” that aren’t.

Use this summer energy to take a look at what is truly no longer serving you, and throw it in the fire, Marie Kondo style, thank it for it’s service, pitch it and enjoy watching it burn. 

If you’re wondering how to do that, let me know. My course Elemental Magic can guide you through assessing what is no longer needed, and to help you create personal processes for burning away the old, creating conditions for what’s next and dreaming up the future.

Make Time to Play

I really wish everyone would stop being so serious all the time. Yes, there are frightening things happening in the world, yes our future is uncertain, yes there are a million things to do AND the best way for us to show up in this world as our most powerful selves, is to tap into our innate creativity and find a better way.

“To stimulate creativity one must develop childlike inclination for play and the childlike desire for recognition.” – Albert Einstein

It feels like we are being responsible when we are serious and busy and worrying about everything. Isn’t that our job as grown-ups? To run the household, to pay the bills, to bring home the bacon and fry it up too? Well yes, AND it is also our birthright to ENJOY our time on earth.

I have been to some of the most impoverished places on the planet. I have seen people living in deep poverty and under harshly unjust systems of oppression. And in those same places I have witnessed JOY emanating in a way I rarely see here in my tidy neighborhood.

Children wearing torn and pinned together clothes laughing and dancing and PLAYING with a curiosity that is contagious. Women carrying 50 pound bags of rice on their heads dressed in the most beautiful fabrics, bright colors and patterns that seem alive. Some of the most fun I have ever had was dancing in their bars where everyone is included and silliness rules.

It’s easy to think that I have something to offer them, my closet full of clothes, pantry stuffed with food. But all of the STUFF that I have worked to collect means nothing if I can’t belly laugh on a regular basis.

Being creative means arranging life in a way that feels
supportive of our JOY.

• What did you love to do when you were a kid?

• What are you curious about now?

• Who are you envious of?

Any reaction is important to notice. Negative or positive, your emotions are your clues. If you feel jealous of someone, that is good information. What is it about them that irks you? What do they seem to have that you seem to lack?

You’re telling yourself you don’t have time. You can’t do A.R.T. because you have a J.O.B.

Taking even 15 minutes to play, to engage with something for no purpose other than to experience it, can recharge your brain and make you even more efficient at work.

Think of something you spend time on regularly that you could swap out.

• Checking social media?

• Watching TV?

• Vacuuming?

• Folding laundry?

• Making lunches?

Now ask someone else to do it (No, they won’t do it to your standards, but that’s ok for today. Don’t worry, you’ll have another chance to do it your way) and make time for yourself to play. Invite your kids to join you. Set a timer if you need to. Some things to try:

• Rip up a magazine and rearrange the pieces.

• Move some paint around on a piece of paper

• Pull out your watercolor set and experiment

• Make a tower with blocks

• Squeeze some play-dough

• Scribble with crayons

• Take some photos of beauty

• Write a letter to yourself, or to a friend

• Daydream

You don’t need to create a masterpiece, you don’t need to have any evidence of your work. That is not the point. The point is that playing makes you alive in the moment, present, and that is where JOY is found.

In their book Wired to Create Scott Kaufman and Carolyn Gregoire blend psychology, neuroscience and case studies to highlight practices and habits that promote creative thinking.

“Creative self-expression, in its many forms, can be a particularly powerful means of  coping with life’s inevitable challenges. People who engage regularly in creativity report a greater sense of well-being and tend to be more open minded, imaginative, intellectually curious, energetic, outgoing, persistent and intrinsically motivated by their activity.”

This feeds into all areas of life. We start to see new answers to old problems, and new ways of seeing the world that can be liberating for ourselves and others. So you are actually serving society when you make time to play.

“This can take the form of approaching a problem in a new way, seeking out beauty, developing and sticking to our own opinions (even if they’re unpopular), challenging social norms, taking risks, or expressing ourselves through personal style.” (Kaufman & Gregoire).

And I think we can all use more of that.

If this feels overwhelming or impossible, let me know, I am here to help!

We Grow to the Capacity of our Pots

I have a theory about folks and their gardens. No matter how much earth we have to work with, from grassy lawns to potted plants, how we tend it relates to how we tend to many, if not most aspects of life. 

Gardening requires trust, patience, a willingness to get dirty. We can’t be attached, some things will thrive others will wither. Plants won’t grow in a particular spot just because we put it there; they have needs too. Some like sun, some shade, some like a lot of water, some sandy soil. 

 There are the obvious seasons in a garden, which I wish our culture would pay more attention to. The dormant winter time is just as important as the fruits of summer. Rest and nourishment in equal proportion to boldness and sustenance. 

We need to weed the garden more intently at some times of the year, but also mostly all year long. We pull out the plants we don’t want in the garden, for various reasons, but mainly because we want a certain look or feel to our spaces. Pulling out undesired “weeds” makes room for what we want. Just like pulling out old ideas from our minds is essential to make room for new thoughts to spread out and grow roots. There just isn’t room for everything. An overgrown crowded garden hides the gems, they get lost in the weeds.

I’m kind of a cheap gardener. I don’t really like to buy anything at full price, and I enjoy rescuing half-dead discount plants and propagating my own. This means my garden is always in a state of change. I have yet to reach a state of feeling that it is “finished.” There are plants growing in one area that I will divide and move, and potted plants in a shady spot I call the “hospital” where they are growing roots or recovering. 

At the end of the season I divide up lots of different plants and stick them into the ground in various locations, hoping that some will take root. Because of this, every spring is a surprise and I give thanks to six month ago me, for planting something new. 

Working with plants gives present me a chance to leave something for future me. And present me also gets to thank past me, for taking the time. Time in the garden is not linear, there’s a cycle. Gardens aren’t productive all year, plants are not machines. Neither are we.

What are we leaving today for six months-from-now us? 

These two plants illustrate. The potted pine on the right(not sure what variety?) I found on our old lot. She was merely an inch tall, poking out of a nest of weeds. I stuck her in a pot. We moved her with us and 15 years later -- here she is. Last year we strung lights in her boughs at Christmas time. I’m sure she has more potential than the pot allows, but until we find her a better spot, she’s our back yard pine, and she seems happy enough..

The eucalyptus on the left I rescued from the 50% off area of the nursery. I love eucalyptus because it reminds me of California. This little guy was merely 2 feet tall, a little spotty, but showed some promise. Plus, 50% off! So I took him home and put him in a pot in a sunny spot and he grew a little and was easy enough to care for that I didn’t really have to (care for him).  A couple of years ago we put in a patio and a retaining wall in the backyard and I gave him a real home. Within four months he stretched to over 10 feet tall!  All that time he wasn’t complaining, but he wasn’t even near his potential. I’m hoping I didn’t make a big mistake and he will take down the whole wall but… time will tell.

Seeing how this eucalyptus was perfectly happy and content enough in the small pot, but then skyrocketed once given more more space makes me think about containers, and how we grow to the size of our own. In what ways am I cozy and content,  but if given a different set of circumstances, I could soar? In what ways am I staying in my small pot, roots bound, pushing on the walls, but not showing any signs of distress (yet).

One of my favorite books is Gay Hendrick’s “The Big Leap.” I don’t typically re-read books, but this one I have returned to many times. In it he says “Each of us has an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success, and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy. When we exceed our inner thermostat setting, we will often do something to sabotage ourselves, causing us to drop back into the old, familiar zone where we feel secure.” Our pots, if you will.

I don’t think we need to abandon our current situations in order to thrive, but I definitely think it’s worth while to wonder and to feel into where in life do I feel tight, constricted, like there isn’t enough room. What small moves could I make to continue to grow? I don’t believe we are ever done growing, in fact the term “grown up” is a bit of a misnomer, as if it’s done and we are now complete. Life is about change, adapting, and trying new things. And if you feel like your pot is too tight, let’s talk, I have some ideas…