No Fear is Terrible Advice
Fear is on our side, we just can’t let it be the boss.
As summer begins to transition into fall, take a minute and as yourself, is there anything still unchecked on your summer dream list? Was there any project, plan, or idea you wanted to pursue over the summer, that you were sure you would have time for, but somehow didn’t happen?
If you want a different result in your life, in any aspect, you have to start doing things differently. Toning your creativity will help you see where you can slip in a new way, a new thought, or a new strategy that can ripple out and make massive shifts over time.
As summer winds down, are there any creative projects or ideas that you didn’t make happen? Why didn’t they happen? Now is the time to figure that out.
How you do anything is how you do everything.
Why is there often a gap between what we want to be doing, or how we want to feel and how we are actually spending our time?
I used to feel like I was always waiting. Waiting for someone else to give me a chance or notice me. Waiting for work to “settle down”, waiting for the kids to get to the next stage, waiting until I was organized, until the laundry was done…I was waiting for my real life to begin while I endured my current situation.
Our culture and schooling set us up for this. We are conditioned into a system of rewards and punishments. If we make it through middle school, we get to high school. We believe that our suffering will be rewarded down the road, and that will make it all worth it. The problem is that the target is always moving, and we can get used to this mode of being, this way of operating.
We live in a state of enduring, persevering, hoping that the end will justify the means.
When we’re young we are easily influenced by parents, friends, the culture. We want to be happy, we want to be successful, we want to contribute in a positive way, but we don’t know how. Or maybe we achieve the goals that we believed would bring us happiness and freedom, only to realize we don’t feel happy or free at all.
I wanted to study anthropology and art in college, that was where my curiosity was. But the voices of my parents and the culture at large said… “but what are you going TO DO with that?” and so I backed down from my interests, taking a more “safe” path that I was also not super interested in. I figured I was being “smart or strategic” but what I was doing was tempering my passion. I didn’t go as deep as I might have, or met other like-minded inspiring folks on a similar path. I skimmed the surface, doing enough to be “successful” without really making the most of my college experience. I was biding my time until I could get into the “real world” and start my life.
I knew then what I wanted, and you know now what you want. So why aren’t we doing it?
Fear and negativity that have built up a strong case in our minds. Our mind really does want the best for us. It wants us to be safe, secure, and to belong. It wants us to be small and not rock the boat. It wants us to survive, but I think we are meant to thrive.
Now is a good time to take a look at our habits of mind and decide if we need to continue to believe them anymore.
If we want new solutions, and new experiences,
we have to think and do new things.
You might have a dream:
“I want to learn to sail.”
“I want a strong body and consistent yoga practice.”
“I want to start meditating regularly.”
“I want to take a ceramics class or learn to paint.”
“I want to write my memoir.”
“I want to feel free.”
Your mind might offer something like this:
“What if I try it, and it doesn’t work?”
“Oh, what’s the use - it’s too late now.”
“This is a stupid idea.”
“I just don’t have time (money, space) for that now.”
I challenge you to challenge those thoughts.
Take a sheet of paper and write out all of your fears. All of the reasons why you shouldn’t follow through on the thing(s) you’ve been simmering on.
Read through the list, out loud or to someone else if you’re really brave! Allow those fears to be heard, you can even thank them for their input.
Ignoring fears never really works, they just get louder.
Sit with the list and feel how those words make your heart pound, or your throat close up, or your belly twist. You can acknowledge that they may be true, but also they may NOT. Then, thank them for their input, and shred that paper into a million pieces. If you want to go further you can even burn it up!
A definition of fear I like is: Future Events Appearing Real. Fears are related to a future that is to be determined. Nobody knows what the future holds.
You have now created space between you and your thoughts. This is HUGE. You are beginning to put fear in its place, which will give you more options in the future.
Unchecked fears can take over the mind, they can also show up in behaviors such as:
Procrastination
Perfectionism
Resistance
Business
Inertia
Grudges
Jealousy
Competition
Blame
Overwhelm
Anger
Feeling like a victim
Practice regularly culling and weeding your fears, and see what other fantastic creative ideas can spring up in its place.
Creativity is so much more than making art, it’s about making our life.
Let me know how it goes.