Art Journal Page by Christine Soja
September is a transition month. We transition from summer free-for-all back into the routines of work and school. The temperatures get cooler at night and there is a little bite to the breeze that wasn’t there before. The equinox sends us officially into autumn, heading towards more darkness. It's a time of harvest and bounty. What we are harvesting of course depends on what has been planted, tended and fed. Are you enjoying your harvest? If not, ask yourself: what have you been sewing?
It’s a time to take stock - what has been working and what’s not? What do we want more of and what do we want less of? How are we caring for ourselves? If our life is our garden, what needs to be cut back? What’s overgrown? What weeds are taking over? Where do we need to amend the soil? Where do we need to plant some new color, or new life? What needs to be moved to a sunnier or shadier spot in the yard?
How can we move from surviving to thriving? Nature is abundant naturally. I always find it funny to see apples lying on the sidewalk, plums smooshed, blackberries rotting on the vines. This is fruit we would buy in the store, going to waste on the ground because we can’t keep up with the production.
Many of us are taught that the way to create change is to shame or punish.
“I would be more productive if I wasn’t so lazy.”
“I would eat better if I wasn’t so busy.”
“Look at the weight you’ve gained, what’s wrong with you???”
We say things to ourselves, consciously or unconsciously that we would probably never say to those we love. Or if we did we punish ourselves further for being so mean and selfish.
My unhealthy habits used to motivate me. I used them as a counter balance. If I have 99 good habits and just one or two negative habits, how bad can it be? I would exercise specifically for the drinks after, or extra hard to make up for too many. I would meditate to feel better about my negative self talk and angry outbursts. I would eat healthy foods to counteract sugar binges.
What I have learned is that real change doesn’t happen because we humiliate or shame ourselves, it happens because we love ourselves into it. Recovery support groups work because the people inside of those meetings come with unfiltered, unearned acceptance for everyone there. There is nothing to prove, you don’t have to earn anything. There is magic in being heard, seen and understood, even by strangers. Love is what helps us heal, not guilt.
When we love ourselves we take care naturally, and our bigger dreams can come out and play. We live in the land of possibility. We enjoy life, meaning we are in-JOY most of the time. We can’t solve problems by focusing on them, we have to get creative and focus on what is working. What we focus on grows, and what we don’t need will wither away naturally.
Life coaching has taught me how to plant new seeds of thought, and water them with attention so that the old beliefs don’t have room to grow.
The first step to changing beliefs and patterns is willingness.
What are you willing to consider? Notice when you have an idea and your mind tells you “That’s IMPOSSIBLE. I COULDN’T or “That would NEVER work!” Be willing to question that response. Really? Why not? What if…
Five years ago I thought it was impossible to endure a summer without a cocktail. Impossible! But I was willing to try.
I thought it would be IMPOSSIBLE for me to sell my artwork. And now I am planning to participate in my second group show.
Your mind wants what’s best for you, and by best it means safest. But you have to ask, what is really the risk? Failure? Humiliation? Embarrassment? Maybe...maybe not. Are you willing to find out?
Are you willing to be of service to your creative dreams? You can explore willingness without automatically responding. It is important to apply (choice making) to your YESes and Nos. Be willing to say no sometimes. Be willing to say yes to something new or scary.
Be willing to accept all of the parts of who you are. Don’t waste energy fighting who you are. Don’t play the victim to your perceived negative habits. Learn to accept them and work with them.
Identify areas where you lack self-acceptance. This can awaken you to new possibilities.
Be willing to allow these places in you to exist. This allowing causes more movement than resisting or denying.
Share your experiences about self-acceptance with others. Especially those in your home. When we show our kids, partners and friends that we can be OK with imperfection, we give everyone else permission too. Acceptance heals.
Allowing frees up energy, and that energy can fuel possibility: our FIRE. Without a properly tended fire, we are lethargic, droopy and exhausted. Pay attention to what experiences, thoughts, interactions leave you feeling better or worse than you did before. This is critical. Begin pruning back things that leave you limp. Do more of what fuels you.
Who inspires you? Gather your team, folks you know or teachers you may never meet. Teacher, guides, mentors are everywhere. Make a list and try to reach out regularly to those who light you up. Gather articles, books and follow people on social media that make you feel alive (and ditch those who drain you or stress you out.)
Create a collage of imagery, words and colors that feel exciting and energizing. Put it somewhere you can see it daily.
Write your creative self a love letter. Remind yourself of all you have to offer, and how far you have come. Give yourself permission to do the things you don’t think you can.
Reach out to those you know who can listen and support your creative dreams. I have worked with coaches multiple times to get through roadblocks I couldn’t on my own. Nobody else can “fix” us, but we also can’t do it alone.
A coach can listen, see you, give you strategies for new thoughts and hold you accountable.
I used to think I needed a new job, a new husband, and/or a new body. But turns out I just needed to change the thoughts I was telling myself that were really more about me not following through on my intuition. Instead of making the hard choices, I would more easily play the victim: nobody understands me, my job is impossible, I am stuck. I was in survival mode because that is how I was raised (and where the patriarchy would like me stay).
Now I look around and my life is eerily exactly as I was dreaming quietly inside, 10 years ago.
Dreams take time to grow, and fall is the perfect time for planting.