HEALTH

WEEK 2

The week before winter vacation I got the flu. It had been years since I’d been taken out like that. It reminded me of how quickly everything else doesn't matter when your body isn’t well.  All of my dreams, motivations, desires and plans evaporate. The body buckles down into survival mode and there is nothing except rest, fluids and Netflix. 

And yet, while my body was achy from fever and extremely uncomfortable, there was a part of me that also felt some relief. Sorry/not sorry I can’t make dinner/breakfast/lunch, I won’t be around in the morning when the kids wake up. I can't carpool or go to work. I just can’t and there’s nothing anybody can do about it. Even though I was feeling so terrible, I was given a pass on life and in a way that felt good. “Is there where I’m at?” I thought to myself. Being taken out by the flu is better than my regular healthy life?

Living on the couch, drifting in and out of feverish sleep, sipping tea simultaneously freezing and  sweating while indulging in “Harry and Meghan” felt like a woozy vacation. It reminded me of when my kids were little and I felt peace and tranquility reclining in the dentist’s chair having my teeth cleaned. It felt a little sad and also reminded me that perhaps I need to have a conversation with my family about what I need, and how we can help each other. 

Health feels like a big topic. Of course I value my health, without it I’m…on the couch. And yet there are many parts that contribute to a healthy life:mental, physical, social, spiritual, relational, even financial health all impact each other. 

The word itself makes me feel overwhelmed. Perhaps it’s because our individual health and our guilt or seeming inability to reach perfection in all of these realms has been used by corporations as a carrot to motivate us to buy gym memberships, exercise clothes and supplements. 

It feels like an impossibility to have all of these areas of life “healthy” because everything is always changing. My body is changing, my mind feels like it has a mind of its own, my family and finances are influenced by factors often out of my control. 

For me health is an ongoing process. Our bodies are healing machines, that’s what they do if left alone. I think maybe our desire to try and control this actually gets in the way of experiencing real health. Physical health makes everything else possible, but does that mean that if I don’t exercise for a week (or two) that I’m not healthy? With all or nothing thinking we can give up and feel defeated.

Life is for experiencing which includes highs and lows. That being said, I know when I feel good, I make choices from a place of peace not striving. I believe that my body holds a wisdom and intelligence far greater than my mind. No matter my current routines or habits, I am learning to listen to and trust my body over my mind. Wayfinder coaching has taught me that. I know how to tune in and listen to my body, and I trust that my body’s greatest goal is health in all areas. 

If you feel like you could use some support in any area of your life, coaching can help. I’d love to see if I can support you. Click the link below and let’s talk. 

Collaboration

WEEK 1 COLLABORATION: to work with others for a common purpose or good in the creation of something.

I definitely believe that nobody gets anywhere on their own. The myth of individualism has left me often afraid to ask for help, to admit I even need help. It has kept me struggling in silence. Collaboration is how we get to thriving, no doubt. And yet collaboration requires a level of trust, deep listening and dropping of the ego that makes it a rare gem.

On the outset I would say yes, collaboration is where it’s at. Working together with others is really the only way that anything impactful can happen. When we come together with others for a common goal we get to each contribute our own unique gifts to something. It’s how we bring dimension and depth. It’s how we learn what we don’t know, it’s how we grow. IF we are able to listen and put ego aside.

But then I also think of group work in school, where groups of uninterested young people are asked to work together on something that they may or may not actually care about. We see the perfectionists freaking out because the could-be-care-lessers aren’t (or they fear won’t) do their part. We see the rise of the martyr.  “Fine, I’ll just do it all myself.” Collaboration without trust and accountability can lead to resentment, stalemate and deepening of our divides.

When I first wrote the definition out I accidentally left the extra o off of good and it read “to work with god in the creation of something” - ha. The creation of this page followed that idea. I want to collaborate with my higher self. With the infinite wisdom of the universe that I believe lives in me. I want to clear the channels so that I can catch the faint whispers of the next steps. This collaboration looks like spending time each morning in the still quietness. My inner voice isn’t loud, but she is persistent. Like, very persistent. 

When I stopped drinking alcohol it was the voice. “You don’t need this, it’s holding you back. You want to feel good, you want to feel clear.” There is evidence of this in my journals from years before I actually made the commitment. The voice is quiet and patient. It’s not judgy or pushy or shaming. If your quiet still voice isn’t kind and gentle then that’s culture and conditioning, NOT your true self.

I want to collaborate with the natural world that I am part of, where I belong too.

If we try to jump out of bed in January ready to take on the world, take another moment to look around at nature, who’s doing that? Nobody. January is the middle of winter. It’s time to be slow and quiet and cozy and warm. It’s time to tend to the roots, the inside underground parts that nobody sees. Be still, plan and dream. Sleep more.

I don’t believe we are meant to do things alone. In fact I don't believe we are ever really alone.

Art and coaching have been bridges for me to open this collaboration with my higher self. To be free to see what comes up, and to learn to trust. 

Collaboration without trust will never work. It’s the medium by which everyone gets to be free to see what they’ve got. These bodies of ours won’t let the soul loose unless it’s safe. 

A collaboration can be a conversation. When I talk with some people I can sense my soul coming loose. I get animated and excited and I can feel the possibility coursing through my veins. These are the collaborations I’m looking for. 

This is why I love being a coach. I get to put myself aside and be open, observant and listen to facilitate the client’s inner knowing. We can never predict what will come up because it is only in the moment that truths arise. I get to ask questions that open up the channels, and I get to help clients interpret the messages. It’s in this way that we prime the connection between the client and their inner knowing. It’s not hard, it’s there all the time, just waiting for the right collaborator.

You ARE creative and you DO have time

When it comes to their creativity, I wish everyone would stop telling me how they are not creative or just don’t have the time for their creativity.

This comes from living in a culture that doesn’t value creativity. And you know why it doesn’t? Because if people think on their own, have their own ideas and create new realities, how will we be controlled?  The dominant culture tells us that creativity, or our art is superfluous. Creativity is for children and those who must do it are condemned to the life of the starving artist. STARVING – who wants that???

The dominant culture wants us to be busy – busy working so many hours and days per week that we barely have time for feeding ourselves (aka NOT STARVING) and when we do have extra time we are so exhausted that it’s easier to just plop in front of the TV/Internet/Entertainment-of-some-kind and turn our brains off. How often do you say “I just need to turn my brain off” “I just need to get outside of my head”? Living with this type of exhaustion keeps us from thriving. We are focused on survival and we agree that our art (whatever that may be) is something we have to give up as we grow up, or maybe we will pick it up again in retirement.

But what if our creativity could actually help us to enjoy what we have already, and therefore gives us energy, instead of taking it away?

Somewhere along the line we have been shamed or embarrassed about our creative expression.  Most kids love to play with their creativity. They derive so much joy from it. We c an too. But many kids around age 7 or 8 start looking around and comparing their expression to others and deeming theirs as less.  It’s kind of like saying that my fingerprints aren’t as good as yours. Those of us who do persist often do so in secrecy. Which is fine, but also limits the potential.

I don’t care what it looks like, that’s not the point.

Our culture also values product over process. Things we can make money from are more important than things we just do because well… we want to. We feel an urge, an idea comes across that we are curious about. 

Artists are just people who follow through on their creative impulses.

I feel like scribbling with crayons might come out of nowhere. “That’s stupid” we might tell ourselves, shaming our inner creative. Or maybe we do follow through and then we feel stupid about what we did. Chances are if we quit when we were young, that’s right where we pick it up again. We don’t understand.  And that’s ok too.

When we follow those impulses, however stupid they may seem, we are giving into the creative force that animates everything. We are following faith. We are playing with the divine. We are listening to the voice inside that is curious, and free.

If you have an idea, say, “I feel like tearing up that magazine and gluing pieces back together.” and we do it, we have entered sacred space. And whether or not we do it and how we go about doing it can tell us everything we need to know about who we are and what we believe. Do we encourage ourselves, allow mistakes and just enjoy the moment? Or do we judge, criticize and shame ourselves? I guarantee that these thoughts come up in other areas of your life. What else are you shaming yourself out of? What else does your soul want that you tell yourself is childish and stupid?

I believe that our dreams matter, even if we don’t know why.

Opening ourselves up for creative exploration is an opportunity to say yes. The stakes are low, the potential is high. 

Besides, you are already using the creativity you say you don’t have, every day. You are putting together outfits, making meals, creating reasons why you should feel ok about the things you do that you hate. Creating reasons to put off the things you are afraid of.

With openness and willingness, your creative practice is your chance to reclaim your whole self. It doesn’t take much time (five minutes works!) and it doesn’t cost anything (have paper and pen?) 

When we prioritize our creative impulses we are honoring ourselves. And isn’t that better for everyone?

Winter is the season of water

In the tradition of the four elements, winter is the season of water. The element of water relates to the emotions. Emotions flow like waves through us, wash over and past, or can pool up in an eddy. Water, like feelings, need to move or becomes stagnant, stinky and gross.

Too much water and we become isolated, depressed or overwhelmed. Ever feel like you’re drowning? Got a sinking feeling? Not enough water and our emotions freeze, like ice. Water teaches us how to ride the emotional waves of life, to not resist, thrash around and burn out.

What do lifeguards tell us to do if we get sucked into a riptide? To relax, let it pull you out, and trust that it will return you to the beach. Sounds simple, right?

As someone who has been tossed around the surf like a sock in the laundry, more times than I can count, I know how disorienting, scary and powerless water can make us feel. I also relish moments of calm water when I can just float, gently rocked and buoyed by the soothing motion of the sea.

QUESTIONS FOR WATER:

• How can you find calm?

• How do you relate to your emotions?

Winter is also the perfect time to go inside, reflect on the previous year and make choices about what’s next.

This January I will be hosting a Desire Map workshop for anyone who wants to take some time to be intentional around creating the life we want. I found the Desire Map (created by Danielle Laporte) when I was contemplating my divorce from alcohol. I was quitting drinking because I didn’t like the way it made me feel. I wasn’t having serious consequences, my health was good, on the outside things seemed fine, even good. But I wasn’t feeling right. 

Desire map drew me in right away because it flipped something for me. I thought that I had to do things, and that would lead me to feeling a certain way. For example: having a job will make me feel like I’m contributing to society. Not yelling at my kids will make me feel like a decent parent. But I was doing these things and still feeling frustrated, tired and grouchy. I wanted to feel as good as possible every day.

I would look around and see a great home, neighborhood, community, healthy family, cute dog. I had achieved all the things that I’d wanted to, but it still didn’t feel like enough. I didn’t feel the joy that I was working so hard to create.

Desire Map dovetails with the thought worked I learned in coaching, in that we can lead with our feelings, use the way we want to feel as a kind of steering mechanism. Our emotions can be used as a compass, and then we can make choices from that place.

The truth is, feelings are produced by thoughts, not by outside circumstances.

Many of us want to “get out of our heads” for a few minutes (or more) each day. At the end of a long busy day, I just wanted to tune out for a little relief, a little peace. Our culture has provided us with many options for numbing out. Well, my coach asked “what is in your head that you’re trying to get away from?” hmmmm…

Basically I had given my mind way too much control. Minds are great at following through, carrying out tasks, they make great worker bees. But the mind isn’t the Queen. The heart is the Queen, and when we lead from there, we can experience positive emotion without really changing much at all.

The Desire Map process asks us to really narrow down to just a few feeling states that we want to feel every day. Not at the end of the year, not when this project is finally complete, or this thing ends.

How do we want to feel today? Every day?

I was able to move from surviving the week and living for the weekend, to finding joy in each day.

When you lead with feelings you can bounce your daily choices off of those feelings and decide if a particular action will lead to that feeling state. We can slow down and listen to our hearts.

The heart whispers, while the mind tends to scream.

For example I want to feel free. Will signing up for x y or z help me feel this way? Would cooking more or less for my family help me feel this way? 

If you’d like to join me for this virtual Desire Map workshop, please chick the link below.

Building a Dream Team

“It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.”

— Paulo Coelho

There is a tradition in my family of making a wish (creating a dream) on your birthday. Maybe you know this ritual too?

Here’s the scene: A group of family and friends gather around the birthday person. The lights go dark. People begin to sing. A delicious treat is presented to the guest of honor. There is a candle (maybe several). You face the candle, close your eyes and hold a vision, a dream, a wish in your mind’s eye. Then you blow the candle out. With your air you set the vision into motion and out to the ether, hoping someone out there is watching and will hook you up.  

As a dreamer, I love this ritual. In fact I make a wish every time I blow out any candle.

However, culture and tradition have a different idea for my wish, and here’s the clincher: YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TELL ANYONE WHAT YOU WISHED FOR BECAUSE THAT WOULD BRING BAD LUCK AND RUIN YOUR WISH AND YOU WILL NEVER GET IT!!!

You mean, I could ruin my dreams by sharing them with others? A doe-eyed toddler version of myself is told. OK, I will keep it all to myself, forever...I promise...

I wonder though, if we never tell people what we are wishing, how will anyone ever know and be able to help us? 

Are we betting 100% on a benevolent mysterious something who will grant it out of the blue? Why is it unlucky to tell Uncle on your birthday that your dream is to become an actress? 

I think it is imperative that we share our dreams, that we tell people who know us, or even those who don’t because - then they can be on our side! Then they can point energy and opportunity our way. Maybe we don’t tell Uncle because he would laugh and I would feel foolish… But also, maybe Uncle is dating a woman who works in casting for a local theatre? But he never knew you wanted to be an actress so it never dawned on him to hook you up?

Speaking our dreams out loud also gives them the power of our voice, and our mind hearing our voice is reminds us of what is possible each time we do.

Now, I don’t necessarily think we should all go around shouting from the rooftops our deepest desires, but not because it’s a secret, but because dreams do need protection, as much as they need nurturing, especially when they are young and vulnerable.

If a dream feels very tender, very dear and very exquisite, do not hand it over to someone who will bash it in with their negativity or “good intentions” of keeping you safe or avoiding disappointment. Be careful of folks who identify themselves as “realistic” or “practical.”

Some folks can’t help it, they are wired to point out problems, obstacles, reasons not to do pretty much anything.  You know who these people are in your life. We love them, we appreciate their concern and they help us to strengthen our belief in ourselves.

What you need to truly nurture your dreams is support in many forms. It is imperative that we find people with whom we can share, discuss, and nurture our dreams. These may be people already in our  lives, or perhaps we hire a coach, or find other dreamers to connect with on the internet. 

Find safe people. And we need to ask ourselves, am I a safe person? Do I know the dreams of my friends? 

Ideally everyone in our circle will know our dreams, and become an ally on the journey. We need to proceed slowly and cautiously as we share. We can ask for specific support, and be that support for others. 

This is the element of air, communicating and circulating our dreams. Even a seed in the deep dark soil needs circulation.

Navigating a supportive dream team is a process that takes some time and careful curation, but the one person who must be on our side is US!

We can only care for our dream as well as we care for ourselves. Enter the elements:

Earth - taking care of our bodies

Water - caring for our emotions & spirit

Air - learning new things, watching the mind, communicating

Fire - taking action, trying new things, following your intuition & inspiration

Caring for these four elements will create a strong foundation for our dreams (OUR LIVES) to flourish. 

IDEAS FOR ACTION:

Create a support section in your journal/sketchbook/notebook - don’t have one? GET ONE!

-Make a list of who has been, or might be, supportive in your life. List ways to contact them.

-Write a description of what support means to you.

-Describe something or someone that feels supportive to you.

-What improvements might be needed in your support system?

-What kinds of support are you willing to provide for others?

-What kinds of support does your creative dream need?

-Contact me! I’m already on your team, didn’t you know?

How to Make Your Dreams Come True

Artwork by Christine Soja

Sometimes I like to think about how everything I am looking at, was either created by mother nature, or by a human. Everything in my house, in my drawers, in the shops, was first somebody’s idea.

Somebody thought “Hey, glue should come in a stick form!” somebody thought “Let’s make black pencils!” - these ideas, these relics of human life all started as ideas. Sometimes these ideas are powerful and alter the course of humanity “Let’s create the internet!” and sometimes these ideas are disastrous “Let’s make things we need temporarily out of plastic which lasts FOREVER,” or seem silly at best, “If only I had a paperclip shaped like a unicorn…”

My point is that if everything was created by someone, then us humans are powerful beings. We can turn our ideas into reality, and I know we ALL have that ability.

Us humans are idea and creation machines. We have ideas, tons of them, and most of them we discount before they are even discussed with another person. This isn’t really in relation to the quality of the idea, it’s more a reflection of our willingness to say or do something others might consider weird. Our willingness to be vulnerable. 

YOU have lots of good ideas. I know you do. Your ideas might be ways to make your days smoother, or maybe even revolutionize how we do things on a larger scale. We certainly need new ideas for our systems and institutions. 

I KNOW you also have ideas that are closer to your heart. These we call dreams. We dream of one day… and then we quickly come up with a dozen reasons why this dream isn’t worth any more consideration. Some die quickly, but others are more resilient. They keep popping up. These dreams are particularly sticky, you think you’ve rationalized them to  death, but there they are, sneaking up on you in the shower, on your run, or at 3 am.

One of my dreams is to have a job where I just get to write down my ideas and share them with others. Put out my random thoughts, observations and insights and share them with others. I had this dream before the internet, before blogging, before social media. For years and years I wrote just for myself, in my journal, and sometimes as letters to my sister or other friends when we scattered for college. 

We don’t take action on our ideas because they feel overwhelming. We talk ourselves out of our dreams because we don’t want to be judged, or we worry it will require uprooting our family, or quitting jobs that provide medical coverage. So we pretend the dream isn’t there, or maybe we’ll get to it someday, when the time is better... When things get uncomfortable we work really hard to change the way we feel, instead of trusting the feeling and the thought creating it, and seeing where it leads.

But what if the future was UNKNOWN?  (It is!) 

And what if things are possible that are beyond your imagination? (They are!)

So before you tell me all the reasons you can’t, I want to introduce the baby step, or the micro-movement.

Take whatever your dream is and cut it down by half, then again then again then again until you are left with something that will take less than 10 minutes and put it on your calendar. Really, write it down. Then do that thing on the day and time you said you would. Then, repeat, repeat, repeat, forever and ever.

Your critical brain will not be good at this, you will have to practice.

For example: “My dream is to become an artist who has international shows and whose work supports her lavish lifestyle.”

Half - become an artist - Brain, “oh man this means sign up for classes and finishing my degree and I’m too old and who has time for that…”

Half - what kind of art do I want to make? Paintings - Brain “but I don’t have a studio, time, or skills!”

Half - Do you have paint? No

Micro-step - go to the art supply store and buy three tubes of paint on Tuesday after work.

That I can do. When that step is complete, I will take another micro and another micro-step until...who knows! Who knows where it will lead but that is not the point. Maybe the end goal isn’t to become a world famous artist, but maybe I will meet a person in line at the art supply store who will  become a great friend and confidant.  WHO KNOWS?!?!?

What I do know is, we just have one life to live, and our dreams are real, and bringing them into reality is our job. 

Micro movements don’t take much time, energy, or planning, all of the things we say we lack. Once we begin taking these steps, the beliefs that we can’t do the thing start melting in the face of actual proof that we are moving forward.

An unfulfilled dream feels like a pervasive dissatisfaction with how you spend your time, or deep envy of someone you think has it better than you, or could be some unknown force waking you up in the middle of the night. Your dream wants your attention.

Action Steps: 

• Set a time for 5 minutes and as fast as you can write (not type!) answers to the following: “If I knew I wouldn’t fail I would…” 

• Schedule an hour or two to take yourself on a solo date. (It will actually you and your creativity, but it will just appear to be you by yourself.) Wander around the forest, your neighborhood, downtown shops, a gallery or museum and let your body lead. What are you drawn to? What makes your heart jump? Take photos, jot down ideas, and repeat as often as you are able. 

• Send me your creative dream, I will believe you. And if you are stuck, I can send you your next micro-movement.