I don’t know where to begin, there are so many thoughts swirling around my mind. So many things I want to say, and so what do I do when I am overwhelmed? Well, first I procrastinate. I put things off, I get real busy and all my time gets sucked up into other people’s needs (which are endless) or chores (also endless) and then finally the pressure is too much and I do what I know hot to do, which is start with a messy first draft. I just start. I have to kill all expectation of flowing prose or perfection. I have to let it be messy and start. Because once I start, then I realize, usually, that the overwhelm is just resistance, and. resistance usually means that the thing is pretty important, if not entirely necessary for my own health and well-being.
2024 was a year that I will always remember, it was a huge year for me personally and for all of us collectively. It was the year that my family said goodbye to our beloved yellow lab Nya; the year that my oldest son graduated from high school and moved away to college; the year that I finally left my high school teaching job; the year I committed to weekly volunteering as a SheRecovers coach; and the year that I became a substance use counselor, employed by a practice (A Positive Alternative) that I am wildly excited about that is aligned with my vision and surrounds me with mentors and teachers who see something in me that I don’t quite believe in yet. All in all it was a year of transitions, internal and external.
I’m sure there is more that I will remember later, but, this the time for good enough. And in the midst of all of the transition and change, there is a running theme of consistency. The work that I had been putting in, the dedication to my dream, the trusting that something more was out there for me and the willingness to show up for it, it seemed to pay a dividend.
I know that I am living a more aligned life now because this is a life that I never could have imagined. My professional life, my vocation, is something that my 25 year old self would not even believe, and that is how I know it is true. There is a freedom in this, and a sense of being guided that fills me with ease. And also the extra energy required to keep going and keep dreaming. It’s like confirmation that my curiosity matters, that my dreams matter.
Which reminds me that I still have a lot of work to do. This mission of mine, feels fueled by the great unknown, and mystery and magic are my happy place. I am more than excited to see what unfolds in 2025. I want to focus on connections, friendships and spending time with people I love. I want to recommit to my creative practice and I want to bring my blog back from it’s years long slumber. I want to build community both in person and through the magic of technology. I hope you will be a part of it.
